Recently I adopted a new personal philosophy. A new way of life. I created the NOPE Movement—a movement in which I say “NOPE” to the all of bullshit around me.
Apparently this extended to the holidays as well. Because I’m done with holiday madness and stress. DONE.
“Are we having a lazy Christmas?” Mr. Foxy surveyed the unwrapped gifts and partially-decorated tree on Christmas Eve.
“NOPE. We’re strategically conserving energy,” I replied with confidence.
“You mean we’re lazy.”
“No. We’re not. And now I’m a purposefully choosing not to engage in this discussion any further.”
“So you’re lazy and in denial.”
“Go make more eggnog.” (I always say “YEP” to eggnog.)
Apparently Mr. Foxy was a little worried that we were half-assing the holidays. I disagreed. He presented the evidence.
Mr. Foxy: Our outdoor Christmas tree (a tradition around these parts) tipped over.
Me: I fixed it once, but then the lights shorted out, and I decided fuck that noise. Now it looks like a REAL Charlie Brown Christmas tree. RIGHT?!
Mr. Foxy: We never finished hanging the ornaments on the tree.
Me: Whatever. They’re table decorations now.
Mr. Foxy: The tree skirt never got straightened out under the tree and doesn’t fully cover the floor protector.
Me: But Colin arranged that. We wouldn’t want him to think he did it wrong, would we?
Mr. Foxy: We never hung the stocking with care—if fact you just tossed them over the fireplace screen.
Me: Who cares? Santa will still fill them. And he doesn’t care that we just chucked those stuffed animals in the corner. In fact, he’d appreciate the song we were singing when we threw them across the room.
Mr. Foxy: We haven’t wrapped all of the presents.
Me: So let’s do it now.
(Cue present-wrapping montage with the A-Team theme song.)
Mr. Foxy: Uh, that kinda looks like shit.
Me: You think Colin will care? (SPOILER ALERT: He didn’t. Although it appears the dog was judging me.)
Fortunately, Mr. Foxy finally came around. “So, is this a Zero Fucks Christmas?”
“Pretty much. Or a NOPEmas.”
And, you know what? We had a wonderful holiday. Like a really fucking great one.
My husband gave me the best gift ever:
We relaxed. Like really relaxed. And just enjoyed spending time together. I wore my Christmas pants to every party, including the one at my in-laws (pictured below—believe me, my kitchen tile may be broken and my living room floor riddled with termite damage, but I don’t have green carpet).
And, thanks to my favorite cousin, my wine glass was never empty (unbeknownst to me). Which made for good dress-up at my aunt and uncle’s house.
And the moral* of the story? Even if you don’t give a flying fuck, your holiday can still be fun. That goes for any event, really.
*Look, Andy, I can do morals just like you.
17 Responses
Thanks for being the moral high ground!
I made zero cookies this year in my attempt to not give a fuck and I still gained three pounds. Next year Santa will not be bringing chocolates.
Mr. Foxy made fudge, but that was it. And only because our son really wanted it. Of course, I ate most of it. 😉
Best.gift.ever. God bless us, every one, you sexy motherfucker!
“God bless us, every one, you sexy motherfucker!” That should be on a holiday card.
I have had a Nope Christmas the last two years. So worth it.
I love your pictures…I am such a voyeur.
Why didn’t you tell me sooner about Nopemas?! 😉 It was great. I plan to apply that philosophy to everything from here on out.
And thank you. You’ll really like next week’s pictures then. 🙂
Loved this one. Too much pressure to be Martha Stewart/Pinterest Princesses! Just great to have time together!
EXACTLY. Fun, family, and friends. (And wine.)
You are my inspiration. Next year it’s Nopemas for me too!
Let’s create a new line of holiday cards, Cassandra!
I’m seriously considering a Nopemas next year. My son won’t know the difference and who gives a shit about my father-in-law? I sure don’t!
Next year take video.
Happy Nopemas..
xo
Love it. We didn’t even bother with trees or anything and it was fine. Kids were like ok, well that’s how we roll. It was cool beans. Great post!
We half assed Christmas too and it was delightful, I see a new tradition in our future.
I fucking LOVE YOUR CHRISTMAS PANTS! I go one step farther…I have about 4 pairs…I simply call them my PARTY PANTS! All my friends want them now…best part of all…the ELASTIC waist is like MAGIC ???perfectly acceptable for shopping and most ( if not all) social events less than 5 miles from home! Merry Christmas to all….
Just found this post. So sorry it got buried. It’s hilarious! I’ve been having a Nopemas since 2007 but didn’t have a name for it. Each year since has seen less preparation and this year nothing. Such relief!
I had a NOPEmas this year too! The tree was up with lights and one angel pinecone ornament I made with my Niece. I hung it in the tree staring at my husband in his recliner. The presents got wrapped Christmas Eve, and my Christmas pants are a full set of sock monkey pjs. The best part was going to my in-laws for Christmas dinner. No Cooking. Yay! And two of my presents were wine, so even better!