At my kids’ school, we are required to put together an emergency snack-pack for each of our children. The packs are intended to provide comfort and nourishment for the kids in the event of an emergency or natural disaster that might cause a delay in our arrival to pick them up from school. Here’s what we need to gather for each of our kids:
- 1 can of juice
- 1 granola or energy bar
- 1 pack of crackers or wafers
- 1 fruit roll-up
- 1 pack of beef jerky
- 1 small pull-top can of fruit with a spoon
- 1 small pocket-sized pack of tissues
- 1 family photo
- 1 handwritten note of reassurance
Honestly, it’s a pain in my ass to find all of the right items (mostly because I’m lazy as fuck), but it’s completely worth the time and effort. I live in earthquake country, and that natural disaster is a very real possibility. I love the thought that my kids’ teachers would have the supplies readily available to take care of my kids. My picky eaters won’t eat most of the items, but they can just clutch their cans of fruit for comfort.
Assembling these emergency snack-packs for my kids got me thinking: what about the teachers? Who would take care of them? What supplies do they need in case of emergency? What would provide them with comfort and nourishment?
Clearly we can’t rely on the kids—all hopped up on juice and fruit roll-ups—to alleviate their distress. So I’ve brainstormed a list of items they would need in their own emergency kits:
- 1 dozen mini bottles of wine and liquor
- 1 box of high-end chocolate
- 1 set of ear plugs
- 1 bottle of pain relievers
- 1 bottle of acid/heartburn reducers
- 1 fully-charged iPad with videos and back-up charging devices
- 30 self-contained, non-messy art projects for the students
- 1 large bottle of deodorizer (especially important for the 5th – 8th grade teachers)
- 1 full-sized box of high-quality tissue
- 1 more box of high-end chocolate
- 1 photo of a tropical paradise
- 1 handwritten note of reassurance
Here’s what the handwritten note of reassurance would say:
Dear Teacher,
Thank you for all you do for my child. Seriously. I don’t know how you do it, and you have my utmost respect and eternal gratitude. I’m sorry for [Insert whatever my kid does that is annoying. Believe me, I’m sorry for it.]. You are amazing, and I love you. But not in a creepy stalker way.
I promise I am trying to get to the school as soon as I possibly can. In the meantime, hang in there. I won’t judge you if you break into the mini bottles of booze. Seriously, if I can still parent after a few drinks … But that’s cool if you wait for later too. Legal issues and all.
I hope the rest of the supplies serve you well.
All the best, Foxy
Do you think that would work? Would they appreciate it? What did I leave out?
Photo Credit: belchonock / 123RF Stock Photo
22 Responses
I’m pretty sure it would work, yes! Shoot, you’ve given me a nudge to get my own parental survival kit together. And I can write a note of encouragement now to read to myself later. Gotta work on what it will say though..
Fortunately I have the wine and booze portion of my parental survival kit already.
Weed. You’re missing weed.
And I’m from California even. I’d need to include a little box so the teacher could say, “You put your weed in there.”
Well…and perhaps a back massager.
I want to make a very inappropriate joke right now.
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Those Amazon folks…
My whole office got a laugh out of this:
I love the thought that my kids’ teachers would have the supplies readily available to take care of my kids. My picky eaters won’t eat most of the items, but they can just clutch their cans of fruit for comfort.
They could rehydrate the beef jerky with their tears.
Perfection. Can I have one of those emergency packs just to keep around the house?
I think that’s an excellent idea.
We should probably just give them these kits for every day life with our precious spawn.
I’m in agreement with you on that one.
Throw in some baby wipes for the fruit roll-up hands and you have the perfect kit! Also I’m a teacher assistant so don’t forget us, we have less responsibilities so go ahead and double up our booze 🙂
Baby wipes and extra booze for everyone!
I need you to pack me about 5 of these stat. And don’t skimp on the chocolate! Ha, you’re too good for this world. Now hop to it!
I think the chocolate is one of the most important parts of the kit, don’t you?
What a great idea!
Can every school/office jump on board with this? I’d like to see cubical farm-hells versions of these.
…TBH, it’d probably look a lot like the teachers’, except where instead of art projects for the kids you’d have Big Official Checklists for middle management. It wouldn’t hurt and it will keep them busy and out of everyone’s way.
HAHAHAHA! We could put some extra pens in for those checklists.
We used to have to make those when our kids were in elementary school. I guess you stop doing it once they hit high school. The biggest challenge I had was finding snacks that wouldn’t expire before the end of the school year (we couldn’t pack jerky or anything canned).
For the teacher…some age appropriate videos for the kids to watch while she watches what she wants on her iPad, valium in a Pez dispenser, and a gift certificate for a massage to be used after the whole ordeal is over.
Yes to all of those things!