Being the mom of a tween girl is like being on a roller coaster ride. There are highs and lows. Parts that are exhilarating and parts where you grip the handrails and hope you survive. Those parts that suck? You just need to accept them. Consider them your gigantic, foul-tasting horse pills to swallow. (I recommend washing those down with a nice Oregon pinot noir. Or vodka.)
Here are some of those bitter truths you may face:
- You want everything to be better for your tween girl than it was for you at her age. But, dammit, it stings a little when her breasts suddenly become more fabulous than yours.
- You never know who is going to wake up in the morning: your sweet, darling daughter or a savage beast.
- Hormones are an ugly, unpredictable monster. Especially when they are aligned with your own.
- You can’t complain about her bad attitude to your spouse—lest he remind you where she got it from. Right before you move his pillow to the couch.
- The stink of tween girl funk rivals spoiled liver and onions. In a dirty Las Vegas taxi cab. Left out in the scorching sun.
- You so desperately want your tween daughter to embrace personal hygiene, but you know that once she does, the bathroom will harder to get into than backstage at a One Direction concert.
- It takes all of your restraint not to pop one of those zits. ALL OF IT.
- You are relieved that she hasn’t had her first kiss yet. But then you realize you may have been a lip slut because you already had yours by this age.
- Your snack food budget will go out the door. Along with your diet. Because you suddenly rediscover your love for Doritos, Double Stuf Oreos, and Peanut Butter M&Ms.
- The fastest way to wake her up (in a good mood) is by FaceTiming freshly baked cinnamon rolls from the kitchen. But she’s not coming to see you.
- There is no greater danger to your olfactory or visual senses than rifling through her closet. The odor! The garbage! The filth! (Stock up on disposable gloves now.)
- Even if she doesn’t use them in front of you, she’s knows more swear words than you do.
- The glasses and braces that made you a “geek” in junior high are now considered cool.
- She simultaneously loves horror movies and her stuffed animals.
- She needs to hear that you love her everyday. Even when she rolls her eyes at you and you’re not feeling very loving.
What other truths have you discovered?
Photo Credit: Dndavis / 123RF Stock Photo
26 Responses
HAHAHAH…forwarding this to my sister..
You dodged a bullet on this one. 😉
#7!!
Clothes that she would previously have thought too small are now just right!
#7 KILLS me! And yes to the clothes that should be given away. 😉
She loves to wear mascara, but isn’t so into washing her face at night, and consequently often looks like a murdered prostitute first thing in the morning.
Oh my god that’s hilarious.
SO VERY TRUE!!
I had a teenage son who was fairly gross too.
Anyway, maybe you understand and appreciate your mum now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, I’m certain my son will be just as gross. But he’s still an innocent 9-year-old. 😉
My Girl isn’t a tween anymore.
THANK GOD.
I can tell you that as they get older the smell dissipates and the personal/room hygiene improves.
Mostly. 🙂
Also, the hunger thing (at least in our house) is still going strong. She is the Teenager Who Nommed Tokyo and if it isn’t nailed down she will devour it in a manner of seconds. If it IS nailed down and she can pry it up, then obviously it wasn’t that important to you.
So you have *that* to look forward to.
“The Teenager Who Nommed Tokyo.”
*Snort.*
HAHAHAHA! I hope my picky eater does indeed turn into that.
At 20, only the hygeine has improved. All of the rest is still pretty much in play.
And she does have better boobs than me, dammit!
Thanks a lot, Cassandra. Thanks a whole damn lot.
I may not have daughters but most of these still “fit” my oldest son. The bad language, the funky smells, the bad attitude, yep we’ve got plenty of that at our house! 🙂
Yes, I’m not looking forward to tween boy funk. AT ALL.
It’s the rolls of paper towels that disappear into their room that you will not look forward to!!!
You nailed this! (I have two teen girls.)
I have advise for #2 and if this helps ANYONE I will write it. My oldest was a terror in the morning but I figured out that if she ate before she came out she wouldn’t be so hangry. I began making her breakfast and taking it in to her before she had the chance to wreak havoc on us. The person that came out of that bedroom was just lovely.
HAHAHA! I wrote a post about that very same thing. My husband and I used to call it “feeding the beast.” It was a CRITICAL morning chore.
Thank you for spreading your wisdom to help out others!
I have no kids, but I have 11 nieces and nephews, and two of them are at that tween age. I made the world’s biggest mistake when I offered to fly the 14-year-old cross-country to spend a week with me and my husband.
Um, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST DON’T BRUSH YOUR TEETH? Um, WHAT DO YOU MEAN UNDERWEAR IS GOOD FOR A WEEK? Um, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ONLY BROUGHT ONE PAIR OF SOCKS? Um, WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHOWERS ARE FOR DAYS YOU SMELL ESPECIALLY BAD?!?
Like, just, ew. I had to disinfect the entire apartment after that bag of germs left. Like, hand to my cats, he’s a sweet kid, but, just, ewwwwwww, ewwwwwwwwww, ewwwwwwwwwww.
No good deed is left unpunished, my friend.
Nice one! I’ll have to save it to bring out in six or seven years!
They’ll probably have improved Febreze by then too.
I. Am. Screwed.
–Mother of 2 girls
Yep. Pretty much.
HAHAHA, #7, you are my mother! She used to come at me with her fingers and squeeze my nose until I teared up. Then called me a baby. She tried it on my sister but my sister ran every time. Smart girl.