Apparently my post on what women really think about blowjobs offended some people. People of the penis-toting variety. It seems there are a lot of men out there who don’t like to hear that giving head is not a top priority (or a top joy) for some women.
I feel the need to reiterate that I never suggested that ladies don’t or shouldn’t give oral sex; I just said that we don’t enjoy it as much as men would like to think (or as much as porn actresses would have them believe). I would also like to point out that I encouraged people to give it as much as they want to get it.
Still, a number of men were offended that I suggested that sucking the salami is not exactly pleasant for the ladies. And some were so outraged they tried to throw in my face that going downtown on their female partners wasn’t so pleasant either.
What a bunch of fucking whiners.
First of all, men are not going down as much as they say they are. I’ve long suspected that they don’t give as much oral sex as they receive, but I decided to collect some data to prove it. I couldn’t ask any guys about this because, in my experience, they will say anything to look good (presumably to get a BJ). So I turned to my friends science and asked a few simple questions:
- Has every guy you’ve given a blowjob to returned the favor?
- What percentage would you say has returned the favor?
- Has any guy ever flat-out refused to give you oral sex or made a disparaging remark about it?
Of those I surveyed, only one told me that her partners returned the favor 100% of the time. (I now refer to her as “Sweet Kitty.”) The rest of the women either laughed at me and/or replied, “AW HELL NO!”
Turns out, the average return rate was 58%. A mere 58% of men gave their women oral sex after receiving it. And some of those guys flat-out refused to perform cunnilingus because: “That’s fucking gross” and “I don’t like anything mushy in my mouth.”
So all that bitching and moaning about a little blowjob survey and they’re not even returning the favor? That’s pretty crappy. Especially considering that they have the easier job.
Which brings me to my next point: giving a blowjob is way worse than going down on the lady.
Let’s take a closer look. (But not like with actual pictures; this isn’t THAT kind of blog.)
Now I’m not going to compare the smells and the tastes. I think we can all agree that female and male genitals smell and taste like, well, genitals. (Practice proper hygiene, folks.)
I’m also going say that pubic hair is a wash. Both genders have it. While more women seem to manicure that area, we also don’t have to get as much pube-in-mouth action because we’re not sucking hairy penises. (At least I hope not.)
So here’s why the blowjob sucks more (see what I did there?):
- There is a large cylindrical object in your mouth being rammed down your throat. This object can cause extreme jaw discomfort and seriously fuck with your gagging reflex. Men, if you don’t believe me, go spend 10 minutes deep-throating a Costco hot dog. HAHAHA! Just kidding. It never takes 10 minutes.
- At the end of a blowjob, a foul-tasting, vicious wad of goo shoots into your mouth. Or somewhere in the room. I’m not sure which is worse, honestly. Most women agree that the salty surprise is the worst part. (Except one lady who told me, “I don’t like balls. They’re weird. I feel like I should do something with them, but they’re baggy and whiskery. And they move around in a way that makes me nervous.”)
- When a man is done, he’s D-O-N-E. There’s no more fun to be had with his joy stick. We women can keep going … and going … and going.
And I can keep going and going and going about this topic, but I think I’ve made my point here. Men are whiners about oral sex. It’s as simple as that.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I think I should mention that one woman I interviewed said, “I threw up on a guy when I was going down on him once.”
Okay, so, that guy had a legitimate reason to whine.
Photo Credit: slasny / 123RF Stock Photo
34 Responses
There’s not much reciprocity in the oral department. Men always want head, but the ladies enjoy it too guys! I, for one (probably in minority of women), love giving my man a fantastic bj. And again, probably in the minority here too, don’t enjoy receiving oral as much as my friends do. But to each their own.
That’s where the “Give It to Get It” rule comes in. And maybe women should start shoving heads down there like some men do. 😉
In my scientific opinion, I am totally with your other scientist on the balls thing. The movement freaks me out too.
I would add to your list 4. There is no risk of completely debilitating lockjaw rendering speaking, eating and explaining what happened to your family useless.
I need to inspect these balls more carefully. 😉
And, YES.
Yeah…my husband would never complain about either…and I would say as far as being reciprocal, he gets one for my twenty..or so.
Mr. Foxy is no complainer either. Maybe I should have put that in bold, flashing text in the story. 😉
Well…except for birthdays and christmas…those are gifts.
You’re making some of us look bad, Michelle. 😉
Just read your wholy scientific report to my husband (actually, I just read the reasons…). I think he appreciates me more now. Thanks Foxy.
I’m nothing if not a giver. 😉
hahahaha i think i know her!! (the one who threw up)
Sadly, I think there might be more than one.
Full disclosure I like to give bj’s, given properly he should be “blown away” lol. It gives you a lot of power and respect, which comes in handy for stupid arguments- “really? of course I am right, don’t i give the best bj’s?”. Also I swear I am not a dominatrix!
I have a secret to share about reciprocity. My man made the mistake of accepting glorious bj & then rolling over & going to sleep. WTF? This happened a couple of times after first being married. Easy solution, I come first or you don’t come at all. I will still give away a knee shakin bj but only when I want to. I grew up reading Xavier Hollander in my brothers playboy’s, which prob explains a lot. A really good serious bj will get you some really awesome reciprocity!
Clearly I appreciate full disclosure. 😉 I think some women are too timid to ask for it–clear communication is key as well.
“I don’t like anything mushy in my mouth.”
Dude. It’s not like we ask you to stick your face in a bowl of mashed potatoes or anything.
That one made me laugh so HARD.
I laughed so hard I spewed coffee and almost peed myself. I’m making my husband read this.
Hopefully he’s not one of the whiners. 😉
Thank you so much for reading and for the kind words.
Foxy, this was hilarious! Interestingly, when I think about my informal research group (a.k.a., women I know), I find somewhat contradictory results. I have been told by several women and/or men that the man adores heading south, would do it for hours, if only the lady would accept it. I don’t know about how true that is, maybe it is all lip service (see what I did there), but I think there is a large contingent of nasty boys out there who really do enjoy being the giver as much as, or more than, being the receiver. The cynical side of me suspects these guys just want more sex in their lives and are willing to do whatever it takes. The “kumbaya” side of me wants to believe that some men really do get off on pleasing their gal and enjoy giving a good muff dive. Basically, if a guy whines about this he is not worth going down on.
I should point out that my respondents included past partners as well in their percentages. So perhaps the guys that go down get the girls?
I also had a respondent who told me that her husband wants to reciprocate, but she politely declines.
So I agree with you. But the whiners are so much funnier. 😉
I am one of the lucky women who has the man that loves to pleasure me, he will spend hours down there to the point where I just can’t take any more. Doesn’t expect a b.j in return. He’s a man that w enjoys a bj but is completely fine without it…Oh and he is a hummer if you catch my drift. Gosh I’m luckier than I thought
In the beginning of our relationship I was the one who was giving and not receiving as much. Now that I am older and wiser I get more than I give. For every 2 times or so that my husband goes down he gets a blowjob and then some. He enjoys making me happy cause he knows the result is better for his sensations. I have never had a man say no. I’m fairly certain I would end things on the spot if that ever happened. What kind of shit is that?!?! Love your “scientific” research blogs Dr. Foxy
I now have a theory that it’s the younger and/or immature men who don’t reciprocate. And the older and/or wiser women who ask for it.
Thank you for appreciating my science. Clearly, I take it very seriously.
I guess I’m the winner here.. my husband loves to give more than receive. He takes meds that keep him… umm…deflated, or deflate him quickly, which embarrasses him.. so he is a giver. When he does inflate enough to use his manhood, he’d rather go for the intercourse, so i luck out and rarely ever have to give oral to him. Which I’ve found makes me actually want to give it more.. but he insists his job is to pleasure me. Which he is very good at! Sex at 50 (him) and nearly 50 (me) is different than it was in our 20s.. but I have to say.. the pleasure factor has not decreased at all! It’s just achieved in different ways now.
Well…I must admit…I am a man with the initials BJ (kinda like a boy named Sue). That said (because I hafta say it’s my name not necessarily what I do seeing as the talk is about giving bj’s) I do LOVE cunnilingus. My motto: “At least three for you before I’m ready.” I’m not gonna speak for all guys, only me. My issue is my spouse letting me for a litany of reasons like it’s dirty, it’s clean and I don’t want it to get dirty, I’m tired, etc. And I won’t pressure for a bj…PROMISE. I say hold still and lay back and give me a chance. If I can’t crank your engine and make you catch two or three gears in short order…go to bed. When I get the opportuity…she’s wide awake! 😉 CHEERS!!
Note to self, DO NOT read during a meeting at work. I had to excuse myself, acting like I was choking on my water because I was laughing so damn hard! Did I return to the meeting? Yes, after I read the whole thing! God damn funny!!!!!
I’m very lucky in this area. ‘Nuff said.
There is only one thing worse than men not reciprocating oral sex – and that’s when they reciprocate with bad oral sex. (Of course, I’m sure men say the same thing about us — or maybe not. Is there such a thing as a bad blowjob?)
Something mushy? What the hell sort of vaginas are these guys encountering? It’s not like our tuna tacos are actually made out of ground meat. Maybe they mean mushy as in overly sentimental? Like, our vaginas are too emotional?
#3. Thank you Foxy, for #3.
Love the picture of the guy’s face. I always give more than I get. When I was single, guys used to enjoy doing that for me all the time. Wondering if it would have stopped if I was to marry them.
Seriously LOL.
I guess I’m one of the lucky ones, give and take is about equal. Sometimes a nice evening of oral pleasures is easier then the whole song and dance. Though my phone’s insistence on auto correcting “easier” is making me rethink my position.
Well, now… Don’t we all have some negative opinions about the most incredible parts of our bodies. Men’s penis’ and testacles are fantastic and learning to give good oral sex will open up a whole world to both of you. If everyone is hygienic then there should be nothing to be so disgusted by. Sexual fluids are not gross at all. Sure ejaculate isn’t exactly tasty but there’s nothing in there that will hurt you. As far as the taste goes it’s not that bad and if you swallow, it barely touches ur tongue. If ur in a relationship with someone you care about and you want sex to be awesome you should really embrace going down on each other. If your not well versed on how to please him, look it up! There are all kinds of Google sites that give explicit directions on how to do it right. Girls, if your ignoring their testicles, not using ur hands or rushing through it you are missing the fun of it. So many women look at it as some kind of demeaning act. But if u do it with an open mind, get good at it and take ur time with it then it’s incredible control. A man will do almost anything for a fantastic blow job. Plus the more effort you put into it and learn to enjoy it the more he will reciprocate. If u r good at it learn your lovers body, you can control when he cums. It can be SO MUCH FUN! Really!?