My children are much better Catholics than I am. They attend Catholic school and have learned waaaay more than I ever did about the Bible and Catholicism. I’m not sure they’ll end up being practicing Catholics as adults, but I feel like I’m doing my part in providing exposure to that and other religions.
The problem is that they know way more than I do. And they ask me questions that I can’t answer. I do a lot of this: “Tell me what you think.” And this: “Your sister would love to tell you all about that.”
One time my son came home with a beautiful picture he had drawn depicting the Wedding at Cana. He explained how they performed a play in the classroom, and he was Jesus. I admired his picture and asked about the play, but honestly, I didn’t remember the Wedding at Cana. AT ALL.
My husband, who is conceivably definitely a worse Catholic than I am, actually knew the story. Apparently, it’s about the time there was a wedding at Cana (hence the title), and they ran out of wine at the reception. Jesus, being the miracle worker he was, turned a bunch of jugs of water into wine. INTO WINE, PEOPLE.
Now, you may ask (as I did at that very moment): “Uhhh, Foxy WINE Pocket, how could you NOT know the Wedding at Cana?! That’s a FANTASTIC story. Even I knew that story!”
Actually, I knew the basics of the story—just not all of the details. That is, I knew that Jesus turned water into wine somewhere at some point in time for some reason or another. Turning water into wine was the whole point of the story, right?
I’m kidding. (Mostly.)
Now that I know the specifics, I would venture to say that this is my very favorite Bible story. I mean, weddings and wine are two of my favorite things. And miraculously appearing wine? HELLO?!
Seriously, heads of Christian churches everywhere, I know church attendance is going down—why don’t you just lead with the Wedding at Cana? You could attract far more followers with that one. Think about it. I mean, if Jesus turned water into wine, and we all need to act more like Jesus …
You see where I’m going with this, right?
Just imagine all of the new followers you would get. Okay, forget about the Mormons—they wouldn’t care as much about the wine part. But just about every Catholic (and semi-Catholic) I know would love the crap out of that story. (Actually, I don’t think crap was mentioned anywhere in the actual text.) Church attendance would skyrocket! Or not. But people would definitely be listening more attentively to stories like that one.
When my husband relayed the full story to me, I calmly replied, “That’s a good Jesus story.”
‘Cuz it is.
Photo Credit: Gerard David (circa 1450/1460–1523) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
36 Responses
Mine is all self righteous. She told me that Jesus would not appreciate Jesus Christ Superstar because it was rock n’ roll. And according to her Jesus does not like Rock N’ Roll.
I love it. It reminds me of the line from the Grandpa in Sixteen Candles: “Damn kids and their rock n’ roll.”
We’re Quakers and if there’s one thing we’re teaching our kids, it’s that Jesus is cool. Naturally, in order to do this, we got a dress up Jesus magnet. Our parents are mortified, but me and the kids get a kick out of it. If God doesn’t have a sense of humor, we’re in big trouble.
I am SO THERE with you on the sense of humor. I’m certain God has one! And I would really like to see a picture of the Jesus magnet.
That IS one of my favorite stories! The Bible is chock FULL of good stories, a lot of them I forget, but we did act out the wedding! And we also acted out that whole “Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone!” thing, and guess WHO was the prostitute on the floor? Yep, that was me. That moment may have turned the tides….maybe I need to Call Saul.
Great post. Great Jesus story, bro.
Wait. You were the prostitute on the floor as a kid?! ‘Cuz that is definitely tide turning. Call Saul indeed.
“prostitute on the floor” — I am dying of laughter here!
That is a great story! If I had known about Cana, I would have gotten married there too and saved a boat load of money on our bar tab.
RIGHT?!! And if only these were skills taught in Sunday School.
Now, if we could just get him to rustle up a cheese platter or a thousand, we’d be set!
We’d be all set. Wine, cheese, and good will toward men. Or something like that.
There’s a lot of wine in the bible. And you gotta love that. In fact, free wine AT church? Winning. And Jesus has been known to serve up an epic fish and artisan bread shindig on occasion, so there’s that. He should’ve gone into catering. Nobody crucifies you for that. Unless there’s a discrepancy over the bill.
The priest who performed our wedding drank so much of the wine during communion that one of my cousins might have said, “Save some for the rest of us.” I’m certain Jesus approved of both actions.
I am also a terrible Catholic, even though I went to Catholic school. I knew about the water into wine thingy..but not that it was at a wedding, although really, perfect timing.
RIGHT?! I mean what better occasion for jugs of miraculous wine.
I absolutely adore the ” Tell me what you think” that’s a great line to use! It gives you a couple extra seconds to come up with something slightly intelligent. Usually, it’s hold on, let me google it..
That is one of my most favorite parenting lines ever. EVER.
I give my kids that same answer all the time: what do YOU think it means? Tell me how YOU feel about that bible passage! Because I haven’t given thought to my Catholic school days since I graduated from Catholic HS about 8(5) years ago. I remember less than nothing.
You. Me. Great minds … and all that.
My (Episcopalian) kids know way more than I do, too. And I had to struggle pretty hard not to laugh when my super pious 15-year-old announced that she would be saving her virginity for marriage. She was disappointed when I didn’t show more enthusiasm and said “Most parents would be a lot happier than you are about this.” Oops! Nice deflecting, Foxy. Since my husband and I are both therapists, our kids are used to us saying things like “Tell me more about that” and “How do you make sense of that?” so I think I’m gonna try using your method when I don’t know what they’re talking about.
“Most parents would be a lot happier than you are about this.” HAHAHAHAHA!
That is a good Jesus story (I didn’t know it was the Wedding of Cana, either–knew the details, not the title).
Thank you for making me feel better. And now we have both learned something new.
Loved it! I also think they should play up the “superhero” angle of Jesus. Walks on water, can resuscitate the dead, can come back from the dead and move a huge boulder out of the way of his tomb with superhuman strength… I mean, that’s some shit right there. It convinced ME… I’m a die-hard Catholic for a reason, people.
This from the person who still owes me $20 over which was going to be the bigger movie: E.T. or Krush Groove.
That’s it. I’m going to alter the Superman costumes for next Halloween. SUPER-JESUS!
That is a good Jesus story! I forgot about that story and I can’t remember the details either. I guess I am a terrible Catholic too,
I think the most important part is that you’re a good person. And you are.
This fellow Catholic totally knew that story (no she didn’t). I’ll take my miracle with a side of Brie, thankyouverymuch.
Miraculous wine and cheese. That sounds like a band name.
I think attendance to any event skyrockets when wine is provided!! Wow! Who knew wine could be such a unifying thing!! 😀
Wine. Bringing people together forever. And ever. Amen.
I got into an argument with my nephew recently because he told me that if I don’t get married soon to a woman then I won’t get into heaven. He’s six, and I’m gay so I definitely wasn’t having that conversation with him just yet. Instead I said, Connor, I don’t need to go to heaven, because I’m not going to die, when I’m about to, they’re going to freeze my head until they invent a robot body for me then i’ll live forever.
He said ‘thats stupid, how will you pee?’ and it went on from there until I remembered I was 35 and said ‘shut up Connor go and play with your sister.
Bahahahahaha!!!
That IS a good Jesus story.
Hi! I just started following your blog and have to say I’m having a blast going backwards…and laughing my ass off.
I normally don’t comment but since I was raised mormon but am now a non practicing one….and very fond of wine….I had to comment and tell you how funny this was. Thank you for your humour, it’s made my last few days more bearable.
Now excuse me, I’m off to find my corkscrew and open some riesling…and continue reading.