When we bought our house, we spent every last dollar of our savings on the down payment and closing costs. We were completely and totally out of money. 100% out of money.
Like no cable (really, NO cable), no newspaper, no long car trips (because, gas) out of money.
Like no take-out, no dining out, and (REALLY) cheap wine out of money. (No wine was not an option.)
And this part was specifically for me: No clothes shopping out of money. NO. CLOTHES. SHOPPING. AT. ALL.
But here’s the thing. While I understood this, there’s a part of me—the part that needs to shop. The part that loves to feel fabric between my fingers. The part that gets a little high from looking at clothes and shoes and accessories. The part that feels a thrill at getting a good deal. I had to put that part of me away for awhile.
But it was only a matter of time before I cracked.
I was really good immediately after we moved in to the new house. I stayed away from all of the clothing stores—even the discount ones. And, honestly, I really wanted toilet paper holders and towel racks (the house had been remodeled, but no one put those in) more than I wanted a new dress. So I was good, and I avoided all temptation.
Then one day I discovered that my favorite discount clothing store was right around the corner from my daughter’s new school. And my son Colin and I had an hour to kill before pick-up. So what was I to do? Check out the store, of course.
I walked in, and the buzz was immediate. I could feel it in my fingers and toes. My eyes devoured racks of colors and fabrics and patterns. Rows of dresses and shirts and skirts. SHOES AND PURSES AND ACCESSORIES.
And I had a little conversation with myself:
Me: “You can look around, but you can’t buy anything at all.”
Myself: “OH! Look at this dress! And this top! It would work well with your (now deflated) boobs and your (soft mommy) tummy. And what a lovely color!”
Me: “BACK AWAY from the shirt.”
Myself: “But you can just try it on. There’s no harm in that.”
Me: “Maybe I’ll just try it on. But not buy it.”
Myself: “You’ve got some cash in your foxy pocket, you know.”
Me: “It couldn’t hurt to try it on, right?”
So Me and Myself brought the top and my son to the dressing room. I shouldn’t have been there. It was dangerous. I needed every extra penny for food and utilities and water.
But there I was in the dressing room.
I sat Colin down on the bench and gave him my phone to entertain him. My son was four at the time. He already knew how to play games on the phone so I figured he would be happy. And it would distract him enough that he wouldn’t realize what I was doing and rat me out later.
As I took off my shirt, I saw him out of the corner of my eye. He was happily occupied. I felt a little smug. I was going to get away with this.
As I was putting on the new shirt, I heard the ominous “click” of a photo being taken. I turned to my son.
“Hey buddy. What are you doing? We don’t take pictures in the dressing room…”
I stopped short of giving him a full lecture on privacy and nudity and pictures and pornography. Because I could see what was about to happen.
I shouted, “No! STOP. DON’T SEND THAT!” just as he texted the picture of me trying on the shirt…
…to my husband.
To answer your burning questions:
- Yes, I bought the shirt.
- In two different colors.
39 Responses
HAHAHAAH…kids are great, right? I’m GLAD you bought the shirt.
When my older son was 8 we lived in Wichita KS and hubs traveled about 80% of the time. Zach and I would walk next door to the grocery and take turns renting a movie. I watched Desperado probably 30 times in the year we lived there. Hubs calls home and Zach answers…Yeah, mom is watching that movie with Antonio Bandaras AGAIN. Can you tell her to stop? Hubs was laughing pretty hard by the time I got the phone.
Yes, kids are greaaaaaat. No, they really are. I was amazed by his texting skills–I had no idea. And I LOVE that Zach “ratted” you out. But, come on, Desperado.
He’s got a future with TMZ!!
Or a spy…
The shirt wasn’t playing fair. Count your blessings that the purses and shoes were not on their game.
Lesson here is never shop with boys. When asked ‘is that new’ they always reply ‘she just bought it today’ instead of ‘no Dad, she’s had it for ages’ even after you try to train them. Girls learn faster.
Lucky you got out alive.
This is OH SO TRUE. I’m lucky he’s in school now. (And my daughter is much smarter.)
Foxy wine pocket? Now that is one thing I know of! No wine is also not an option in this house.
French wine that is.
Although some Napa Valley is not too bad either, as we discovered just a couple of weeks ago. 😉
I LOVE French wine. Also all Oregon Pinot Noirs.
Noooo, he didn’t! Lol.
YES HE DID! I can’t believe the little traitor.
If he was smart (or 8 rather than 4), he would have merely held the photo over your head until he procured a slushie, rather than sending it off immediately. Or is that just my son?
He’s 8 now. I’m certain that’s coming. And not just your son.
That is priceless!!!
I completely agree.
That is hilarious! My kids usually pull the OPPOSITE trick w/my phone:
They PRETEND they want to look at pictures of themselves, and they do for about a minute and at 4 and TWO years old, they already know how to hit the ‘Home’ button, scroll through until they see the Netflix logo, open it and pick a cartoon!
But it would be my luck they would snap some sort of nudie if I ever brought them into a dressing room w/me.
p.s. THIS is the spot where we are every summer budget-wise. NO extra money, as in I get a mini lecture for going to a non-discount grocery store tight budget. So I learned to shop at Goodwill and resale. Then if I buy something, I can be all “Oh yeah, I went on a real SPREE at the Goodwill.” and then my husband feels ridiculous. Which is just as delicious 🙂
I had NO IDEA he knew how to text a picture at the time. It was a huge surprise. And, yes, I get you. My two shirts cost me $20. My husband didn’t say much.
Any wine will work in a drought and new shirts should always be purchased in pairs. Colin should still be on time-out for snitching. 😉
Fortunately the wine is a bit better now. And, yes. YOU SHOULD BUY MULTIPLE COLORS OF EVERYTHING. I don’t think Colin knew he was snitching. I think he was showing off his skills. Fucker.
Oh boy. That’s why I never take my kids clothes shopping with me (plus they spend the whole time whining how bored they are, and distract me from my bargain hunting). And I never wear anything brand new right away–I leave it in the closet so when my husband says, “Is that new?” I can, in all honesty say, “Nah, I’ve had this for awhile.”
You are very wise. I have a lot to learn.
I know this is not the focal point of this post – but what is it with toilet paper holders and towel racks. We’re moving next week into a home that has just been remodeled and nary a bath hardware to be found.
I have NO IDEA, Tricia. But if you want company selecting bath hardware, I’m in.
LMAO! Too funny! You never mention what you husband said.
He knew better than to say anything about $20. There’s a reason we’ve been married 17+ years.
I remember being that broke. First I bought cheap wine. Then I moved to the jug. Before I knew it, I was onto boxes. But never did I reduce the quantity. A night at home with wine is still cheaper than a night out!
You are so very wise. I drank a lot of wine by the box. I’ve upgraded to cheap bottles.
Haha. That’s too funny. I hope his spying works both ways. And good for you for buying it. You were already caught anyway.
Exactly. I was already caught. I was at least going to enjoy my spoils.
I can’t… focus… on anything… besides those mannequins… with the gigantic… spikes for heads…
*gouges eyes out*
I thought of you immediately when I saw those mannequins.
I totally got busted last weekend for my starbucks addiction. We were at our local Japanese Festival and the girl sitting near us said “Hi, how are you guys?” I knew I recognized her, but couldn’t figure out from where. So I asked. Her answer, “Starbucks.” Then she made it worse by saying that she recognized my girls first. My husband has a big no wasting money at Starbucks rule so getting recognized by the Starbucks girl was pretty awful.
Oh man! You totally got busted! Did he handle it okay?
The other day I was walking in to church and someone complimented my skirt. I mentioned that I had just bought it for our beach trip. My 10 year old daughter, behind me, says, “Mommy? I thought you were supposed to say ‘this old thing? It’s been in the back of my closet for ages!'” Then she looked at my husband and just cackled!
Well, she’s either very well trained by you… or by your husband. 🙂 Hilarious story!
I totally know how you feel! It’s how I feel everytime I walk into Target. The good thing there is that I can disguise my purchases as just “household items like Tide.”
Now Matt thinks Tide is REALLY expensive. 🙂
Glad you got your fix. And you totally did the right thing by buying the shirt. You needed it.
Yes. We do a lot of “grocery”shopping at Target as well. 🙂 (And I need the shirts there too.)
That little rascal! Pretty clever too!
Such a smart rascal! (He must have gotten that from his mom.)
Now I’m extra glad I’ve deprived my special snowflakes of copious amounts of technology. Crayons can’t text. Yesssss.