During “Summer Vacation,” I always attempt to purge the kids’ school supplies and projects. You know, save the good stuff and recycle the crap (please don’t tell my kids I call their stuff “crap”). This chore falls under the Crap Management* section of my job description. As much as I hate this task, it’s my favorite one in that particular section.
Anyhow, earlier this week while purging, I came across this cute little notepad of Erin’s tucked deep in a pile of art projects.
It’s so sweet and adorable. I figured it was a book of sketches or a list of friends or stories or things she wants to do or buy or get as a gift. You know, normal things that 10-year-old girls keep in a notepad. But here’s what I found on the first page:
Ummm, yeah, not what I was expecting. But this is even better, don’t you think? While my daughter and I need to discuss consistent application of Title Case, I was immediately impressed with her correct usage of the word “their” and her “Never use them!” instruction for herself (and/or the reader?).
Of course, the subject matter drew me in immediately. So I kept reading. Here’s page 2:
So she knows the middle finger is bad, though I think she might be confusing the gesture with the action. (I guess we’ll have to talk about that one later. I’ll have some wine first.) She did get “feck” correct. What’s that you say? You don’t know what “feck” is? Well, it’s the Irish pronunciation of the word “fuck.” Clearly she learned that from her favorite pug, Loca, and I’m seriously proud of that one. I’ll pause for a moment while you enjoy that video. Really. Go watch it.
Back now? Don’t you think it’s cute that Erin will swear like a proper Irish lass?
Moving on to the next page, I have to admit that I was starting to wonder where she picked these words up.
I mean, I guess it’s possible I’ve called Mr. Foxy an ass before I never swear in front of the kids so it can’t be me. While we talk about poop all of the time in this household, we don’t use the S word. So it really got me thinking about what motherfecker said some fecking shitty ass words in front of her. I kid—I would never use a string of swear words like that (unless it involved a broken bone or a shattered wine bottle or something). But I am guilty of a slip or two every now and then. And, clearly, she’s heard me.
Notice that there’s no instruction on this page not to use these words. Are these words less bad in her mind? I added that warning myself before putting it back in her bin. She’ll never notice it was me.
Fortunately, she put a minimum age on the back cover. I mean, we wouldn’t want my son Colin to pick this up and think he can read it.
What a good girl. Sounds like I could take a few lessons from her.
*Crap Management is a sub-section of Input/Output Management. I prefer the input to the output.
23 Responses
How has no one commented on this yet? The subject matter totally drew me in too. Thank God I’m older than 9, but I’m sure that warning will keep Collin out.
Could be because you and Kate down there are the only two people who have read this. 😉 Since the notebook doesn’t have a Skylander or Minecraft picture on it, Colin probably won’t even pick it up. But, if he did, he’s so rule-oriented, he’d probably put it right back down.
Oh my hilarious. That little notebook is all kinds of awesome. You know she’s going to be a writer.
I was cry-laughing when I found it. So awesome. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if she becomes a writer. 🙂
This is BRILLIANT!! I love finding those little treasures they think are hidden.
They are absolutely the best gifts ever.
This is priceless! Did you return it to its rightful place or tuck it away in your sentimental box to show her someday?
Oh, I totally stashed it away to mock, errr, show her someday.
I told you yesterday how much I loved this post. I can only hope and pray that someday I will find a treasure like this in my own home. Maybe beneath all the crap that covers up the kitchen counter.
It really is a treasure. And I only found it because I cleaned up a stack of crap. So maybe there’s hope for you yet.
Please keep this girl away from my son. Like me, he swears without noticing, and he uses American pronunciations.
I want to hug your kid. That is so funny and charming. I know you’re a certified badass and all, but don’t lie — you had the feels while you read her notebook, didn’t you? (Also, I would have been insanely tempted to use a pencil to change “Hello Kitty” to “Hello Shitty.”)
We have an infamous story in my house about the time that I learned from my then 2-y-o oldest that I was swearing too much. “Goddam parking spaces!” was just the beginning.
http://www.almostcoherentparent.com/potty-mouth-training/
I meant to say that I can’t wait to see what the oldest has written down since I haven’t really stopped swearing, at least while driving.
At least the title on your daughter’s notebook wasn’t “Evidence for the DCPS hearing”
HAHAHAH…this is awesome. I love stumbling across stuff like this..or I used to..my spawn are mostly grown..
I’ll just have to wait for the grandkids to start it up
Being the anglophile that I am, I knew what “feck” meant and was totally impressed by Erin’s sophistication. After clicking on the Loca link I spent about 20 minutes watching the other Loca videos, so thanks for that. Erin is my kind of girl! It will be fun to read about how she evolves into a teenager. Fun post!
Hahaha, my son got in trouble at school once for saying “son of a bitch” on the playground. I was like, “Um… hmmm… I have *no idea* where he could have possible heard that phrase.”
Wow. I’m glad that we don’t live near one another. Last thing I need is your daughter corrupting my kids. I mean, seriously. That’s a lot of swearing she’s taken notes on. Obviously she’s one step away from juvi.
Bwahahahahaaaaaaa.
I’ll be honest. I have NO idea how I never got a call from school that the Boy blurted out something inappropriate because his dad swears a lot. (ahem)
She’s way more organized than I ever was. Plus, she correctly used the term etc. That officially makes her smarter than 90% of people on the internet. Bravo.
It could have been worse. The teacher could have. My sister did an assignment and was asked what does your mother like to do? Her reply with drawings: smoke and drink beer! Found 20 years later and peed my pants.
I am dying here!!!!! Ass = bad you. Shit. I’m going to hell.
Ah….to be 11 again! I have one of those tween creatures too. And I have found “treasures” of hers too….Like a love note she wrote about a boy in her class. And a list of things I did that made her mad. Man, I LOVED that one! Moody little creatures…
This is ALL kinds of awesome! Amazing that she wrote it down — adorable that she told herself not to use those words — absolutely priceless!